MarthaAnnIsms: words of wisdom from my mom

On the eve of my mom’s 90th birthday, I’m taking a moment to appreciate her sage words of wisdom.  If you know Martha Ann, I suspect you may have heard some of these gems come from her mouth.  And if you don’t know her, I’m sorry.  She’s a force to be reckoned with; she takes on life with energy and humor and a smile on her face.  Here are some of her wisest sayings.

NEVER buy a live iguana on the beach in Mexico.

I don’t know the genesis of this one, or whether she actually learned this lesson first-hand. But it was good advice when she first said it, and it continues to be good advice.

I love this quote because it shows her adventurous nature and love of travel — if not a love of live iguanas.

I don’t know what it is; just eat it.

This was her explanation for the mystery casserole being pulled out of the oven for dinner.  My mother is the world’s greatest freezer of leftover meals.  She has an enormous horizontal freezer in the garage — probably 8 feet by 3 feet by 3 feet.  It is FULL.  Some of those leftovers have been in there since 1964; there’s no way to tell what they are.  Chicken?  Perhaps.  Pasta?  Good guess.  Squash casserole?  Usually.  Yes, it’s usually squash casserole.

Squash casserole aside, I love this quote because you can see her thrifty nature.  She is the original recycler, the queen of sustainability.  Nothing goes to waste on her watch.  The picture, below, shows the bounty from Mom and Dad’s garden, most of which will be frozen.

She also rinses, dries and reuses the plastic bags that the daily newspaper comes in.  But that’s a nugget for a whole other post.

Nice to meet you.  But I thought your first name was “That Damn.”

This is absolutely true, and almost sunk my legal career.  I was a new lawyer, working for my first real boss, Rick Seabolt — now a judge in California.  Mom and Dad came to see me in my new fancy office San Francisco.  I introduced them to my serious, respectable and honorable boss.  Mom shook his hand and said, “Rick.  Hmmmm.  Nice to meet you.  But I thought your first name was “That Damn.”

Although I didn’t love it the minute it came out of her mouth, this is one of my favorites.  First, it’s really funny.  Second, when Rick paused, thought about it, and burst into laughter, it made me realize that he could laugh at himself and had a great sense of humor.  Third, it taught me that you can always break the ice with a little laughter. We’re all just folks, and we should smile at and laugh with everyone, even intimidating bosses and future judges.

Craps is a game of patience.

Mom is an inveterate game player, and all the more so if gambling is involved.  She taught us to play craps, in Las Vegas, instructing with precision how to back up the come bet with odds and to always play the 6 and the 8.  When we lost big (as one often does in craps) and wanted to quit, she chastised that “Craps is a game of patience.”  You don’t lose once and give up; you’ve got to be in for the long run.

These words of wisdom may be the  most representative of my mom.  There are so many lessons here.

• Play games with your friends.
• Go to Las Vegas whenever you can.
• Try new things.
• Don’t give up.  Have faith.  Keep going.

Let’s go to the library.

A childhood friend once told me she was envious of me when we were young because my mom took to the library every week and let me check out as many books as I wanted.  I didn’t realize that that was unusual or a treat; it was just what we did.   I am an enthusiastic reader today, surely due to this early habit.

Another memory I have of Mom and the library was that she used to check out framed art, from Woods’ American Gothic, to Van Gogh’s Starry Night, to Wyeth’s Christina’s World.  I did not know that was unique, and I assumed everyone had the classics of the art world in rotation on their kitchen walls.  I love to think of Mom hauling home a large framed painting every week and returning the “expired” piece to the public library, all to bring great art into our little  green kitchen in Ardmore, Oklahoma.

My mom still goes to the library, and reads about a book a week.

GENE!  (shrieked). GENE-I-KENS!!!!!  (also shrieked)  YOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

This was the bane of my adolescence.  Frankly, I still find it embarrassing.

To get the full effect, you have to scream “GENE” (my father’s name) in a high pitched, sharp shriek, in a crowded place like a mall or city street.  Then you follow it with “GENE-I-KENS” at the same decibel level, and then a big long “YOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!”  To be fair, my father is hard of hearing, and it can be challenging to get his attention.  But this strategy gets the attention of every person and dog in a three-block area.

Adolescent embarrassment aside, isn’t this great?  Shouldn’t we all yell out the name of our loved ones?

Shouldn’t we hunt them down in the crowd, and be joyful when we find each other?

We should be exuberant and inclusive and excited.  And she is.

I love you, Mom.  Keep those zingers coming.

For more posts about family, please see:

• Back to school: the sucker-punch of saying goodbye to upperclassmen
• If You Think You’ve Grown Apart, Consider Pearls!
• Love is a Diet Coke with a wedge of lemon
• Buying a New Car is Breaking My Heart a Little
• Top Ten Things About Being Over 50
• Aging Parent + Distance = Challenge
• Thank you, Dad