Ahhhh, the elusive perfect hairstyle. That holy grail of aspiring fashionistas. Something flattering, hip, and easy to style. Or perhaps sassy, cute, or sexy. Our crowning glory.
We’re no strangers to wings, shags, or bobs, and we’ve both had short hair, big hair, smooth hair, curly hair. We’re not afraid of color, perms, “product” or styling appliances. And we both admit a weakness for snake oil promises — styling gels, sprays, or conditioners that promise to make us look like Farrah, “the Rachel,” or — that old favorite — Meg Ryan in “When Harry Met Sally.”
And have we ever had our missteps. We present you with a gallery of some of two dandelions’ worst hair moments:
Laura: The Farrah
I have one word for you: Wings. The bigger the better, and hairspray, please. And let’s not even discuss my orange terry-cloth shirt, which I loved like a sibling.
Kalisa: The Dorothy Hamill
Strap on those ice skates and get your salchow in shape, because this hairstyle takes you right back to that bundle of ice-skating cuteness, Dorothy Hamill. Very mushroom-esque.
Laura: Senior Portrait
Apparently my hair was planning on pursuing a career in country music following high school graduation. This style required about three hours per day.
Kalisa: Senior Portrait
This hair combines the best of so many trends: wings, feathers, center-part, volume on top, volume on the sides. This style also required about 3 hours per day. We spent a lot of time doing our hair in 1982. Apparently neither of us was spending a lot of time on dates.
Laura: The Perm
I wanted to look like Andie McDowell from “Four Weddings and a Funeral.” I failed. Why didn’t anyone tell me (A) that perms and bangs don’t mix, and (B) you can’t brush a perm.
Kalisa: “Ghost” haircut
Demi Moore wowed us with her short, sassy, serious haircut in “Ghost,” and women all over the world cut off their locks to emulate her. After this no-turning-back cut, I realized I had nothing to hide behind. Get out the pottery wheel, let’s spin some clay!
Working Girls, Early 90s Edition
Nothing says workplace credibility like perms, hairspray, and bangs. Not to mention red jackets with round buttons, and a clever peek-a-boo of the blouse under the jacket. We didn’t even know each other then, and wouldn’t meet for at least another ten years, but we had a psychic connection going with our work wardrobes and our fabulously full hair.
Working Girls, Mid-90s Edition
Another time period before we new each other, but we both managed to go down the same unfortunate path. We wanted to look professional, so we cut off some of our hair, but we just couldn’t give up height and width. Kalisa’s has that oh-so-flattering triangle shape and Laura could have moonlighted as a news anchor. A mid-90s investment in mousse and high-necked blouses would have been worth a fortune.
The Real Housewives of Mason, Ohio
“I’ve got more hair.” “No, I’ve got more hair.” “Well, I have perfectly straight bangs.” “Well, I’m blonder.” That’s a lot of hair, a lot of bangs, a lot of teeth, and a lot of jewelry. Fortunately it’s also a lot of friendship, laughter, and love.
Anyone else want to share hair-don’ts with us? We could make this an ongoing series. And trust me, the two dandelions have more dusty pictures to pull out of the archives. . .
For more stories about style, please see:
- Life-changing nail polish (not really, but it will save you time and money)
- The Older and Wiser Generation’s Favorites: Beauty
- Waxing Poetic: Great Story, Great Jewelry
