Just as there is art and skill in being a good host to your overnight guests, there’s also art and skill in being a good guest. As Confucius said, “Every house guest brings you happiness. Some when they arrive, and some when they are leaving.” I think it’s safe to say we all hope we are the former! These are not rules; they are more guidelines I’ve been taught, have read in etiquette books and in some cases, just my opinion. Hosting takes planning, work and effort; being a guest is the much easier role!
How Long?
The rule of thumb seems to be three nights max. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Fish and visitors stink in three days.” There are of course exceptions to this rule, but by and large, I think Emily Post and Benjamin Franklin nailed it.
Be Tidy
Make your bed and keep your room neat. Clean up the bathroom; hang towels, rinse the sink and tub/shower, don’t leave hair everywhere (ewww) and wipe up water on the floor or counter top.
Don’t Dictate Accommodations
Let your host determine where you and any other guest(s) will stay when in their home. It’s rude to try to control who will sleep where when you’re the guest; it’s entirely up to the host.
Offer to Help
Help your host out, especially in the kitchen. If your host doesn’t want help, he or she will let you know, and if they need help with simple things like setting the table or making a salad, accept the task with a smile. A good guest doesn’t assume they will be waited on.
But Don’t Help Yourself
Unless your host has told you to help yourself, wait to be offered drinks or food. Most hosts will make sure you have access to drinks, snacks, etc.
Leave Furry Friends at Home
We all love our pets and hate to leave them at home, but assuming they are invited potentially puts your host in an uncomfortable situation. If the host invites your pet, terrific. Or if you’re traveling with your pet, explain that to your host and make it easy for them to agree it may not be the best time to visit. Your furry friend may get along with everyone, but your host’s furry friend may not, or they may not even have a pet.
Be Enthusiastic
Show that you’re enjoying yourself and be gracious when it comes to the host’s hospitality. Be agreeable to the host’s schedule, and if you’re asked for input, give it. It takes time and energy to host, create an agenda and be in charge of what’s happening throughout the visit… if your host asks for input, please give it. Unless you truly don’t have a preference, if your host asks, “Would you rather go to the rodeo or the arboretum,” share your opinion. Chances are your host has already done both and is hoping to do something you’ll enjoy.
When Leaving
Ask your host if they would like you to strip the bed, gather towels, etc. and then follow their direction. Laura prefers guests strip the bed and gather towels while I prefer they leave the bed unmade and the towels in the bathroom. There isn’t a right or wrong; it’s simply the host’s preference. If no preference is stated, make the bed and leave the bathroom in order.
Thank You!
Be gracious and appreciative. Etiquette says follow up with a hand-written thank you, and that is absolutely the right thing to do. I have to confess that I don’t always do that, but I do pick up the phone or send a text thanking my host, personalizing it with something particular I loved.
Host Gift
Bring or send a gift, or treat your host to a meal out. Here are some suggestions:
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Coasters are practical and something people don’t typically update very often.
Candles are usually a hit and there are so many beautiful and wonderful-smelling ones out there. Around the holidays and seasons, there are so many choices, it’s difficult to go wrong.
A soft, comfy throw in a neutral color…
Perhaps something inspirational that most people won’t buy for themselves:
Or anything personalized to their specific tastes. If someone loves to cook, visiting Williams Sonoma or Sur La Table will undoubtedly give you ideas for the perfect gift. A nice bottle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar is one idea. If they are entertainers, a unique serving piece would be a great idea. If someone loves to travel, a fabulous makeup or jewelry bag might be a good idea.
There are many great ideas on Etsy if you plan in advance. Monogrammed hand towels for every day or for a particular holiday, monogrammed glassware and so many other options are available.
Appreciate the Time Together
It’s such a treat to spend time with friends and family. Whether you’re hosting or you’re the lucky guest, appreciate the time you have together and make the effort to both visit and host your loved ones.
