After thirty years of marriage, I find I hardly recognize the guy next to me. I have a NEW husband: Retirement Vito.
In the beginning, there was Fun Vito.
When we were dating, he was Fun Vito. Lordy, he was fun: trips to the wine country, bicycling over the Golden Gate Bridge, shots of Yaegermeister in Lake Tahoe, Jimmy Buffet at the Mountainview Amphitheatre. He was also he funniest person I had ever encountered. Life was one big happy carnival with Fun Vito.
Along came Work Vito.
I knew Work Vito was lurking around before we got married. But once that ring was on my finger, he walked in the door and stayed for thirty years.
Work Vito is not a bad guy. In fact, he’s a very very good guy. Obviously, he’s a hard worker. He’s smart and analytical. Work Vito doesn’t shy away from a challenge, and he always does what’s right. Has Work Vito had to bow out of golf games? You bet. Phone calls at 3 am in Italy? Yep. Lost sleep over tangled legal problems? Oh yes.
Work Vito takes his position — at work, in the community, at home — very seriously and responsibly. Here is looking extremely serious, on the cover of California Lawyer magazine. (That’s legitimate; he really was on the cover of California Lawyer. Although we didn’t really call him Mr. Y2K.)
Work Vito put in the hours (lots and lots of hours) to do a good job, and to provide for his family. (Even though I call him Work Vito, I know that his motivation was always fueled by his family.)
So what happened to Fun Vito when Work Vito took over? Fun Vito would make appearances. He was still in there, occasionally showing his happy little face.
And Work Vito could still be funny, like Fun Vito. I mean, you haven’t lived until you’ve heard a really good insurance joke. (I tried to find a good insurance joke to insert here, but there literally aren’t any.)
Who is this guy, “Retirement Vito”?
I’m just getting to know Retirement Vito.
Hidden skills.
Work Vito was a lawyer who worked on insurance issues. Retirement Vito is handy. This is new. He can hang pictures, fix a printer, reset a GFI. (OK, that’s not that tricky, but I didn’t know he could do it.). He’s stepped into the roll of amateur exterminator (bees, wasps, ants, and God forbid — mice). He has cleaned the fountain, fixed the sump pump (by calling the plumber), and dealt with a wonky water heater.
(Just an aside here for any men reading this. Want to look really sexy to your wife? Pick up those pliers. Fix a leak. Hang a picture. We can’t get anough of that stuff.)
Then there’s food.
Fun Vito subsisted on pizza and wine. Work Vito ate anything that someone would prepare for him, but loved a good steak, a grilled pork chop, or osso bucco. And what about Retirement Vito? Retirement Vito eats a plant-based diet. Our pantry is now stocked with flaxseed, turmeric, pumpkin seeds, Goji berries, and kale. I just received an Amazon delivery of black cumin. What the heck is black cumin?
Golf is no longer just a monthly treat.
It is a twice a week, thrice a week — maybe daily — activity.
He’ll go anywhere.
Retirement Vito is ready to travel anywhere, anytime. Want to come to Southern Oklahoma for two weeks? Sure. Should we go on a cruise to Asia? Of course we should. How about a trip to Amish country for fresh tomatoes? Why not? Michigan Wolverines are in the college football national championship? You bet we are going!
And the most surprising thing. . .
Retirement Vito does yoga.
Let me repeat that. Retirement Vito does yoga. Who is this guy?
Retirement Vito is a delightful riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.
I’m happy to peel the layers of the Vito onion, discovering interesting and surprising things with each new version of this guy. And I think Retirement Vito is going to be my favorite.
Want more about marriage? Check out:
Thirty Things That Got Me Through 30 Years Of Marriage (Part 1)
Thirty Things That Got Me Through 30 Years Of Marriage (Part 2)
If You Think You’ve Grown Apart, Consider Pearls!
Can Animal Training Principles Help Your Marriage?
Love is a Diet Coke with a wedge of lemon
2 comments
Just as wives find a guy with pliers sexy, I’m sure husbands feel the same about a wife who blogs about him!
Just as wives find a guy with pliers sexy, I’m sure husbands feel the same about a wife who blogs about him!
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