What’s the Current Etiquette on Thank You Notes?

Is it really a big deal if you don’t send a thank you note? Does a hug or a text suffice? Do people really care?

According to Etiquette Experts

According to Emily Post, handwritten notes are warmer and more special than other forms of thank yous. The rule of thumb is that you should send a written note any time you receive a gift (even a ‘thank you’ gift) and the giver wasn’t there to be thanked in person. But notes are not always necessary. If, for example, the gift is from a close friend or relative (and it’s not a wedding gift) you can email or call instead if you prefer. Below are some other note-writing guidelines:

Shower Thank You Notes

Even though the gift giver attended the shower in your honor and you had a chance to say thanks for her gift, you should still send a written note.

Wedding Thank You Cards

Each wedding gift should be acknowledged with a written note within three months of receipt of the gift. It’s best to write the notes as soon as possible after gifts arrive, however. Write a note even if you have thanked the giver in person.

Congratulatory gifts or cards

Anyone who sends a present, or a card with a personally written message, should receive a note in return.

Gifts received during an illness

Thank-you notes should be written as soon as the patient feels well enough—or a friend or relative can write the notes to acknowledge the gifts. It’s also okay to call or email close friends rather than write. The important point is to be sure the gift is acknowledged in a timely fashion, not to create a burden for the person who is ill or recovering.

Condolence notes or gifts

Everyone who has sent a personal note, flowers, or a donation should get a written thank-you. A close friend or relative can write the notes on the recipient’s behalf.

Do You Send Them? Do Your Children?

I have tried to instill the importance of thank you notes with my girls. When we were moving, I found a stack of thank-you notes, written and in envelopes, but not addresses, in one of my daughter’s drawers. They were never sent and I shook my head in embarrassment.

I haven’t forced the thank you notes with close family. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law’s kids always send them and it’s such a kind gesture.

I feel like the hand written note is the strive-for gold standard. My girls have stationery and aren’t challenged when it comes to writing them. The bigger challenge is securing a mailing address, stamps and actually dropping them in a mailbox.

I encourage my girls to send thank you notes and I try to do a good job, too, but I would say I’m probably 70% effective.

Do You Judge?

If you don’t receive a thank you, are you offended? Do you assume the offender wasn’t brought up with manners?

I don’t think I’m necessarily judgy, but if I don’t receive an acknowledgement of some sort, I don’t know for certain they received the gift, which is concerning. It’s very uncomfortable to ask if something was delivered/received.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic!