Successful marriages require work
My husband and I are celebrating our 30-year anniversary in a few months. I couldn’t help but google what that meant in the traditional sense of what we earned for 30 years of joy, tears, laughter and hard work. It turns out our reward for 30 years of marital bliss is pearls. If you have ever owned a string of pearls, you will know that they are not as strong as a gem stone, say, diamonds (a better anniversary award to aim for!) Pearls discolor with time, you must treat them with care and consideration and they can literally die in obscurity.
The wise person who decided this anniversary of pearls must have given it a lot of thought. I personally think every anniversary deserves a huge celebration, because let’s be honest—marriage is wicked hard. I know this not just because I have lived through 30 years of marriage, but because I am also a divorce lawyer. And ironically, I became a divorce lawyer the same year I got married. Having experience in many areas of law, I chose family law because it spoke to me. I loved that I could help families and make a difference.
There’s no spark, he’s changed, we’ve grown apart…
As a divorce lawyer, I see the pain and heartache of couples and the impact divorce has on children. Many clients insist that they are not happy anymore for many reasons, but often, like a string of pearls, their marriage has lost its luster. The reasons can be as simple as “there is no spark”, or “my spouse does not want to have fun like they used to”, or the simple “we have grown apart.”
I actually often use our initial consult as an opportunity to give clients a reality check, where I essentially challenge them to think long and hard about their choice. In marriage, as in life, nothing is perfect. Like a pearl, marriage and spouses come with their imperfections, as they are easily scratched, can peel and lose their color. But like a pearl, marriages become more valuable with time. As I said, whoever decided on pearls for a 30-year anniversary celebration was pretty darn savvy!
Invest in each other
Like my clients and most of my friends, my marriage has had its ups and downs over 30 years—luckily more ups than downs. And like a pearl, you need to take special care of your marriage as it is precious and needs care and attention on a daily basis.
My husband and I have grown together and learned what makes our union better over time. I respect his love of golf and sporting events and he understands my need to travel and my need for a busy social life. We have worked hard to respect and listen to each other. And I can honestly say that while marriage, next to raising children, is not easy, it is so worth it.
Sometimes it’s perspective
Many years ago, I read a short article by Maya Angelou in a Sunday Parade Magazine. It resonated with me at a time when my life was filled with work, children, cooking, cleaning, laundry and more. I felt like I was just churning along and hoping to make it to the weekend. Angelou essentially wrote that if you can work through the bad times, the good times will be even better.
I always held on to that advice as it was a beacon in my tough times. Having survived the tough times of raising children and going through the rough patches of marriage, I know she was right. Being married to a man I respect and love for 30 years makes me feel proud.
Celebrate!
If my husband reads this blog, I hope he knows me well enough that I am not hinting for a string of pearls, but just celebrating in the love that we have shared over the past 30 years. And a trip to Greece wouldn’t be bad, either!
